When a family member or partner has borderline personality disorder, it’s all too easy to get caught up in heroic efforts to please and appease him or her. You may find yourself putting most of your energy into the person with BPD at the expense of your own emotional needs. But this is a recipe for resentment, depression, burnout, and even physical illness.
The years I invested loving, supporting, sharing every aspect of our lives together I’m having great problems working through this. It has been a 25 yr marriage of sorts after all. His age is 53, his new gf is 25 and I’m turning 60 . I too, wanted to be mature and be loving even though I was in so much pain and cried endlessly and he sat and cried with me and for me.
I hope she is ok and that she can find happiness within herself because thats where I think its starts. But its simply impossible to be happy with someone else, if you arent happy with yourself first. Thats what I was trying to get across to her. I called the suicide prevention line just to talk to someone about it. So, I just refuse to date women who are into alcohol and partying hard and all that.
Lots of hostility, anger, lashing out and defending personal experiences and beliefs. He appears to have very very little awareness at all and has told me its all me. He has a chain of failed relationships and I am aware of at least two of his former partners having experienced this behaviour. Got to “can be really manipulative” and stopped.
SHOULD I BREAK UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND: Quizzes & Top 10 Ovbious Signs
When I saw this guy at the beginning of my time there, I saw “aura”…..a huge “sexual” flair around him. I did not pay attention, I did not know how to interprete it, I thought that every guy has some mini-sexual issue today. I actually wanted to “help him” to resolve it. Not through any physical contact, but being kind, present to him, reassure him that I think that he was sexy, attractive. Well like I always say, it’s not your job to fix your partner. So the key is to just stop wasting mental and physical energy trying to change them.
You didn’t want to give her advice, just criticism. Sounds like you have experienced rejection from a woman who wanted a “bad” boy over you–the “nice” boy…but you have clearly spoiled from rejection. Rick, I work in the mental health field as a clinician. To be frank, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Some of the comments here have described male borderlines very well- in particular, the one who stated her boyfriend is a liar, gaslighting expert and serial cheater.
Schema therapy
They also appear to be so afraid of abandonment that they will abandon you before you can leave them, even if that wasn’t your intention. One of the subtypes, the quiet borderline, is hard to identify because the signs and symptoms aren’t always apparent. They direct their emotions inward rather than outward so things hardly ever seem out of place until your blind sided.
Men with Borderline Personality Disorder
You’re sitting here attacking the author because you did not agree with her OWN PERSONAL LIFE EXPERIENCES. Obviously your experiences, mine, and the authors are all going to be different. Even if we all went through the same thing, it would be different to each of us due to our own perception. Stop trying to white knight the internet, you’re not “protecting” any one.
It’s a lot of patience building and a lot of looking in on yourself to make sure it’s what you want. I don’t claim to be an expert and I don’t claim to have any answers or a formula, but complaining is wasted effort because it doesn’t solve anything. If you find yourself on the bad side of what one of these interactions can become just don’t forget it’s about what’s best for you and you should react accordingly.
This makes us all look absolutely horrible, and any potential partner who reads this is going to run for the hills. Luckily, my boyfriend looks at how I am as opposed to “which disorder I am”. https://datingjet.org/ “Coming from an aspiring mental health professional” who probably doesnt even have any mental issues therefore will never be able to truly relate…. “Its sensible” because you dont have BPD.
If everybody would apply this rule to their dating life, everyone would be a lot happier. Since this time, he bought me some time to time a drink. He never invited me for anything else than a very cheap, simple drink.